Four and Five

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” ― Robert Frost

Saturday was a celebration with my cousin of her soon to be birth of her daughter. It was a nice occaision, and always good to see family, especailly for the joyious things in life :) It was a time of remembering new life, birth and just how fragile life is. My friend from childhood was there, with her newborn of three weeks old. I saw how precious she was, and thought--this is one thing I can do different. So, I asked my friend to hold little Eliza. Not that holding a baby was anything new to me, but I normally just leave them with their parents in peace. This time, I decided to have a physical reminder of the fragility of life.

Little Eliza was so peaceful, sleeping and snoring away, without a care in the world. I thought to myself, this precious little one has no idea what life holds for her; the struggles, the blessings, failure, accomplishements and the like. Her life completely depends on the one who is holding her. She trusts without delay; she has to. Of course, I took a look at my life and realize that I trust with hesitation. I don't count my blessings everyday. Failure is nothing new to me, I've almost come to expect it in some way. I worry too much about the cares in this world. I don't go about things freely, without evaluating the risks. Why is it when we have the opportunity to choose freedom, we would rather remain held captive by life? Why am I not living a free life? Why can't I have what I want out of life? What is holding me back?

That's the whole point of my doing 100 new things. To get myself to exercise living more freely; to do things I wouldn't normally do. I'm not saying to break the law or anything, but just go and do. Enough of this waiting for life to happen. Life isn't an adventure unless you make it one.

So tonight, I'm sitting here on what seems to be a completely empty campus. About to take some time away from technology, away from all the things that keep me busy and just sit under the stars pondering life--whatever that means. I don't expect any epiphanies, life revelations, just to be--or not to be...