It's Official

Sometimes, its as if the choices I have to make are made for me. Sometimes, I just need a kick in the pants to do what I know I need to do; I'm truly my own worst enemy. I am actually ending the job I've held as a student worker, for the past THREE years. I'm quitting. The time has come to move on and start my career. I'm finally in a place where I can move up and move on, however I need to. I'm choosing a place with so many options, that I can actually stay for the remainder of my working career, which in the long run is probably less change than having to find a new job/career once I graduate. At least now, I will have plenty of time to learn the ropes to prepare me for once I finish my education (oh how sweet THAT day will be!). I had a difficult time the other day, actually making the decision; I've been through so much with these people, and we've truly become great friends, not just co-workers. We've laughed together, cried together, seen each other through some of our darkest and brightest days. They truly feel like family, and it's crazy that all of a sudden, I won't be seeing them on a regular basis anymore. I'm not very good with goodbyes--never have been, but I know this is a decision that will only better my future. Sometimes, these decisions have to be made.

Well, I've done it.Something new, but yet not a very happy one this time--at least not the leaving part.

Four and Five

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” ― Robert Frost

Saturday was a celebration with my cousin of her soon to be birth of her daughter. It was a nice occaision, and always good to see family, especailly for the joyious things in life :) It was a time of remembering new life, birth and just how fragile life is. My friend from childhood was there, with her newborn of three weeks old. I saw how precious she was, and thought--this is one thing I can do different. So, I asked my friend to hold little Eliza. Not that holding a baby was anything new to me, but I normally just leave them with their parents in peace. This time, I decided to have a physical reminder of the fragility of life.

Little Eliza was so peaceful, sleeping and snoring away, without a care in the world. I thought to myself, this precious little one has no idea what life holds for her; the struggles, the blessings, failure, accomplishements and the like. Her life completely depends on the one who is holding her. She trusts without delay; she has to. Of course, I took a look at my life and realize that I trust with hesitation. I don't count my blessings everyday. Failure is nothing new to me, I've almost come to expect it in some way. I worry too much about the cares in this world. I don't go about things freely, without evaluating the risks. Why is it when we have the opportunity to choose freedom, we would rather remain held captive by life? Why am I not living a free life? Why can't I have what I want out of life? What is holding me back?

That's the whole point of my doing 100 new things. To get myself to exercise living more freely; to do things I wouldn't normally do. I'm not saying to break the law or anything, but just go and do. Enough of this waiting for life to happen. Life isn't an adventure unless you make it one.

So tonight, I'm sitting here on what seems to be a completely empty campus. About to take some time away from technology, away from all the things that keep me busy and just sit under the stars pondering life--whatever that means. I don't expect any epiphanies, life revelations, just to be--or not to be...