Reading Frenzy

I am so encouraged that I’ve found a church that practically embodies everything I’ve lived since my college days. From the international focus to the music and most importantly, the sound Word. God is so good that He knows exactly what we need when we need it. 

If you don’t know by now, I thoroughly enjoy reading. I often have different books (much like my crochet projects) going at the same time, to read and let it sink in. This time, I want to be fully transparent about what I’m reading and how I’m ingesting it. I just finished another one of his books, but this one is going to be a welcome challenge for me. Loving Him Well by Gary Thomas. Yeah, yeah—I know, I’m not married, so how does this even apply to me? 

Something else about me is I don’t want to go into a relationship without the commitment of longevity. That means marriage is the mindset and to take time getting to know the other person is essential, if that is the end journey in sight. Marriage is a covenant after all. While I have no signifiant other and by the world’s standards I’m single, I simply consider myself on reserve for the man for which God created me. I have always sought to be prepared, because I did not want to ask anything of someone else which I could not provide. I want to be my healthiest self and while perfection is not possible, I have made quite a bit of progress over the last 5 years or so. I am merely continuing with this book.

I just finished reading chapter one in agreement with it and have arrived at the questions. For the sake of Copyright, I won’t post the questions, only my responses. I think it may provide a nice flow of a blog anyhow… so, here goes!

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Change: it’s inevitable. Not usually welcomed, but as believers, we are designed to be progressively changed by God for His glory alone. Therefore, change, in essence, is not my responsibility. Only my reaction to it is what I need to focus on. Furthermore, no one can change any other person—that is not any person’s job. Only God does the changing. When we lose sight of this, we miss out on many of His blessings. 

Influence… what is influence? The American Heritage Dictionary defines it: (noun) a power affecting a person, thing or course of events, especially one that operates without any direct or apparent effort.

Influence is the avenue through which change occurs. Change occurs from motivation to want something different; to will something different. Our thoughts influence our will. So for something/someone to change, our thoughts must first be influenced differently. They then become part of our will out of which our actions flow. I’m recalling so many scriptures here, from James and Ephesians (which was our sermon series completed today!) and even Philippians, we are instructed to think on a list of things good for our minds. Thinking more deeply about this word’s definition—“one that operates without any direct or apparent effort” this means that even things that we do not necessarily choose have an influence on us. Even more so, the things we do choose such as: the music we listen to, the shows we watch, the movies we see, the people we are around, what we think about.  They can all impact us (or distract us) from what we are truly purposed to do if they are not of the origin of that which we are called to do.

What do I allow to have influence on me that in result has me influencing others? (without effort, mind you). As life and death are in the power of the tongue, is what flows out of my heart which my mouth speaks influencing others in the right way? What am I doing that allows me to be who God created me to be in order to have the influence He’s called me to have just by being me? Am I feeding that? 

…Why am I asking myself more questions than the book gave me? That’s the purpose, I suppose. It’s working. Making me think. (and this is only the first question of the first chapter…I may be in trouble here).

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Much like the body, what I put into something is usually what I get out of it— however, God says, those who sow with tears, shall reap with joy. While women are made as the relational creature embodying that aspect of God’s character, it does not mean that only women should be responsible for nurturing the relationship. I think women often lose sight of who they are and tend to base their identity on a man, resulting in unrealistic and unattainable expectations. My identity (and anyone’s)  should only be found in God. Putting anything before God is idol worship. I think this is the risk of not building our foundation of our relationship with God first and individually. We are designed to worship Creator God not his creation (people). 

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My mom has told me before that she’s proud of me, but when it comes to bragging, I don’t exactly like it. I don’t take compliments well, so to be doted about or on is very unnatural for me. Overhearing good things about me—not sure how I might react or what they would be. I generally don’t like being talked about in any capacity, because I’m not choosing to share it about myself. However, I would hope that it would be something about my character that is cherished. I’ve tried to always live by the scripture of the Provers 31 woman, so to hear that I embody that—or that it’s noticed would be most encouraging to me. I’m a fairly private person, so I’m protective of what others share about me and what I share with others. I don’t like for my life to be on display. I thrive on genuine acknowledgement, not accolades or praise. I think my practicing this activity—genuine acknowledgement (because again, I do not want to expect anything I cannot provide someone myself) would be a good habit to build. It will be helpful in friendships and with building rapport with co-workers even; to just acknowledge their hard work or their willingness to step up to the plate…or even helping them to celebrate their wins with an achieved project. Getting into making it a habit so that it comes naturally (and remains genuine) will be better for me when I settle down—to have built this trait in myself. 

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I do not like attention. I don’t prefer the limelight. I don’t like to be on “display” to people. I’m more of a one-on-one person. I am most relaxed in a small group setting or even person to person, because I can focus on the person in front of me. If I get into a large group, I do not have the ability to connect with people genuinely, and I enjoy listening and speaking with meaning. Small talk or “fluff” is not really my thing. When I say something, I mean it (even if just in the moment and it’s about my feelings and later regret it—I’m not great at controlling my reactions when I feel strongly about something). I’d say my scale is about at 9. The reason is because while I do not seek the attention of others, I do struggle with confidence/self worth from time to time, simply because I was not exactly raised in a healthy family.

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I agree. There is glory in being made in the image of God as woman and what I bring to the table is different and unique than what my partner will bring to the table. I must build my confidence in that. I sometimes forget how Jesus did not exclude women in the mission and that there is a place for me and it’s okay to step into it. He’s saved that place for me. I have to overcome a lot of the incorrect influence of my up-bringing to be the strong individual He has designed me to be. I’m getting there. Learning more about myself everyday, and accepting the things about myself that I cannot change on my own, but giving those to God to help change me. Surrounding myself with the right people will only help me grow more in this area. If my sanctification is progressive, then I will be ever improving by God’s grace. 

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It’s sinful, so the fruits of the flesh will abound. Though I think mostly discontentment and bitterness. Never being satisfied is the result, having negative effects for the household and those around us. I think of Proverbs 14:1 “Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears hers down.” This doesn’t mean in her strength. This means as she was designed to be the aspect of God’s character to build a family and nurture, that a wise woman does what is necessary to care for her family and to encourage; not discourage,  or cut down or even wrongly discipline. What we do and say truly matters. I have an influence to be mindful of and I want it to be only that of which Christ desires of me. What we tend to focus on, becomes evident by how we act, whether we realize it or not. If one pays attention to how things are said, it can be easily seen of how someone thinks. Whether I say, I feel, I think, I believe…these are all areas of priority to me which I’m speaking from. I can choose to focus on the imperfections of others and be discontent, or I can choose to see an area of opportunity to meet the needs of others and set the example—especially true of a family/household. Am I slow to speak? Am I slow to become angry? Am I lifting others up? All of these I can improve and practice daily—especially to those who I may find challenging. 

And wow, that’ a lot. Six questions in total for Chapter 1. Aptly entitled, “the Glory of God in a Woman.” I remember reading “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldridge having one of the most profound impacts of how I see myself in Christ. It was a college read for me and oh so beautiful. I’ve known I was wounded emotionally for a very long time, but reading that was when it solidified how much God loved me and made me to be uniquely me. There’s also a saying I have in the hallway to my kitchen (so I see it often throughout the necessities of my day) which reads, “In a world where you can be anything, be yourself.” It reminds me to be exactly who God has created me to be, no matter what. That even though others may not accept me, that doesn’t matter—because I’m loved by God and created to bring Him praise and glory in all I do and He is pleased with me. Especially when I am who He made me to be—myself! Until next chapter, be blessed and enjoy!