Easy Does It

 Hello strangers...

Well, really, I'm the stranger here. Maybe I should say, "welcome back!" (To myself, anyway).  I am not entirely sure what kept me away for so long. I think it was just life. Needless to say the Big "C" happened and while that was stressful enough, I've been ever so thankful and blessed because I still have all of my family who seem to be happy but I know are healthy. 

I quit my job on purpose, as I eliminated the biggest stressor in my life. I am now in a role that I absolutely love that I feel fits me so well and it was all God. That's for certain. I feel like I can't catch up in thankful praise for everything. Not just for the things, but for who He is to me. I so appreciate His undying love for me, there truly is none other. 

I went through probably some of the darkest days of my life, fighting the spiritual battles that I knew were coming. God warned me. He showed me and I didn't want to, but I knew that no matter what, I had to be obedient. IN the end, I do believe I have accomplished my purpose in that battle, but it did not come without tremendous pain and suffering. There are times I still cry it out because it hurts so much. 

One thing I have really learned over the time I've been away is how to really begin handling my emotions. I soul has been healed by God and almost every single rock I thought I had already turned over, he picked up and threw away. Not everything has ended on a positive note, but I still have peace inexplicable, since it is all resolved. 

It wasn't anything miraculous, or anything anyone else could really see, but I can sure tell a difference. In the midst of things I was betrayed, lied to, treated with malice, disdain and utter disrespect by so many on levels I had never experienced before. The only thing to which I could cling was God. Those people may never know my story nor how much they have hurt me, but it doesn't matter. I grew ever closer to the only one that ever mattered. 

I wasn't surprised by the fact that the people involved claimed to be Christian; I knew what I was up against. I couldn't name it, but God showed me the madness ahead of time. It was a stronghold very hard to break. Only by God's grace did it actually finally release. I also grew ever more close to my best friend, who faithfully fasted on Tuesdays with me for hours out of the day, months at a time.

Eventually, I had a whole 23 days of fasting that I did myself. I only got to day 3 and God removed my bitterness and hurt and pain. Again, I didn't want to give in to Him, because of how badly I'd been hurt already but I did. He confirmed so many things that I knew already, but was having difficulty believing then.  

What I am currently working through is growing my faith in what He's told me will occur. I can't deny it with everything that He's done for me this last year; teaching me about his deep deep love and goodness even in the darkest of days, when there was literally no one I could rely on but Him. (He really is all we need, in case you ever wonder.) Since then, I am clinging to the most recent details that He planned years in advance, but only showed to me in His perfect timing. It's amazing how He literally works in the tiniest of details of our lives, but I absolutely love it. He is good all the time.

This is how I know everything is all just a matter of time. Right now, I'm focusing on His goodness, faithfulness and trying to be obedient to the work He's now called me to. I started my MBA (I KNOW, what WAS I thinking?!) and it's even an accelerated curriculum, so by this time next year, I will be finished with it. We shall see what all the Lord has in store. 

I know God will provide all my needs, no matter what. All, in His time. I trust Him completely, like I never have before, and I KNOW He is working always; even when I don't feel it. I will never not be ALL IN. Until next time, all God's grace and peace be to you!