The above song has been on my heart and mind after hearing it on Sunday. Some of the words really stuck with me, because although I am no longer in a "tough place" in life, wounds can last a long time.
"You are my rest, my rescue"
"I don't have to see to believe..."
"You mend what once was shattered and you turn my tears to laughter;
Your forgiveness is my fortress; oh, your mercy is relentless"
Fortunately, I have a dear friend who has helped me realize some open wounds in my life and I now can truly respect his friendship more than I ever thought I could.
When I realized the situation that my wounded spirit was leading me to, it all began to make sense. I knew I recognized these emotions before, which created an unhealthy attachment to this person I have not known very long at all. Nor did/would he understand where I am coming from. This specific "era" of my life (only because "moment" does not even begin to describe the length of time involved) occurred with a high school flame of mine who consistently walked in and out of my life. Eventually, I decided to change my number and cut him completely out of my life. I just forgot about him.
But the wound to my soul was still there. I can't believe that all this time, I hadn't recognized the grip that this particular draw-out experience had on me. Although I had let him go, and forgiven him, my spirit had not learned to heal--I never let it, because forgetting about things doesn't heal things. The wound was not just of rejection, but of feeling inadequate and a failure. It's like I believed in my spirit that if I didn't mean enough to this person, how could I ever mean enough to anyone else? I had put an "un"-expectation on myself, if that makes any sense.
Stepping out of memory lane, I now recognized the feelings I was experiencing were connected to someone in my past, not my present. I had allowed my broken spirit to effect my friendships of today, having the potential to repeat and destroy like it has so many times before.
God used His revelation through exchanges with my recent friend, along with self-reflection to free me of the bondage of emotional baggage. After a few tears and some vivid memories running through my mind, I was able to release the hurt and ask God to completely heal me so I can receive all that He's called me into. It really is true that "hurt people, hurt people"; I don't want to be that kind of person...
So I leave you with a helpful article and an enlightening read. While I have not experienced all of the topics of hurt included, I'm sure we have all experienced at least one of them at some point in our lives.
No comments:
Post a Comment